I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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