I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
