I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
