just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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