So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
