did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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