Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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