i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
