we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
