I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
