Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
