I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
