chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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