She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating