Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.