I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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