Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.