He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
