Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can text with my tongue
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
