I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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