I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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