Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
