NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
