This is not my ceiling
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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