you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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