You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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