a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
