so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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