i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
