Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
