My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
