just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
