mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize