I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
