I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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