I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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