why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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