Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
