Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
