he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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