Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
