You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
