He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
