Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
