The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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