im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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