i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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