brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
