i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
