Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
