I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
