you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
