K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize