Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
