suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
