No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
