Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its not stalking. its research.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
