around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
