Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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