i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
