May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
