Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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