My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
two words...techno handjob
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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