just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
