i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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