Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have fence marks all over my body
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
