I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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