He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
