I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
