Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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