He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
