He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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