Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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