your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
