Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
