I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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