Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
