i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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