dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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